remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
