dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
