No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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