how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
