how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am available for nakedness
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
