Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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