So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize