I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
