I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
