so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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