oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
