Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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