a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
