Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
