We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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