he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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