where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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