this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
