I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
