I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
