I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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