you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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