Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
