I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
