I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
