So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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