the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
