Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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