mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
