i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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