At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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