All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
