Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
