the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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