O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
