I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize