i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
