Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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