I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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