i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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