I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
