I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
