sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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