there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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