Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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