Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize