you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
