Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
