if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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