she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
