Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
