It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize