I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
