i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
