Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I supernannyed him into submission
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
