Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize