do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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