I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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