The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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