My first STD was from a foam party
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
