I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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