What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
