I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is the high leading the old right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
