Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
