I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
