Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
