Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My legs feel like baby dolphins
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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