when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
