Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize