Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize