Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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