i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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