she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
