Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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