He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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