I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
