Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
