I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
