theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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