College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize