My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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