Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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