Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
