Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
