I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
