Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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