Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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