I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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