My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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