I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
