he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
