I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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