New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
