He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
