If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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