dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
