I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
