Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize