After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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