turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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