somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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