Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
